Dear Hostel Drunk Guy,
I’m sorry but you’re just not as cool as you think you are. You’re not as quiet as you think you are. And you’re definitely not as attractive as you think you are.
I know that this is your time to let loose and discover yourself. Your parents have been saving for months to send you here, so that you could have an existential experience with the world. You’ve spent the better part of the morning sobering up and tweeting your bros back home. Now, the evening has come upon us and it is time for another trip to booze-town.
Well, Hostel Drunk Guy, you may not know this, but there are actually other people staying at this hostel for purposes other than getting shwasted. And we have something we’d like to say to you.
Enjoy.
Dear Hostel Drunk Guy,
If you have to throw up, please make your way to the bathroom and not the common balcony.
Love, Lisa
Anywhere’s Perfect
Dear Hostel Drunk Guy,
Clothing is in fact not optional. As much as you are may be comfortable with your body to wander around naked the rest of us are not so comfortable with having to view it.
Love, Anwar
Beyond My Front Door
Dear Hostel Drunk Guy,
I don’t care that you are ‘wasted’ and that your bed, three steps on the ladder above mine, is “too far”. There is no way in hell you are getting in my bed. You stink. You are slurring. I just met you and trust me when I say you are not at your best or most charming at this time. No, I don’t want to cuddle. I don’t want to touch you. I don’t want to talk to you. Shut up and get some sleep. And if you piss or puke in the bed above me, know that I WILL kill you in the morning.
Love, Hannah
Eat Sleep Breathe Travel
Dear Hostel Drunk Guy,
This morning we both arose nice and early but for very different reasons. This morning I hoped out of bed hoping to get my daily rise from a good coffee. What I didn’t need to see was your erection waving hello and good morning to me.
Love, Jeanette
Traveling Honeybird
Dear Hostel Drunk Guy,
I’m totally cool with you coming home at 5am ridiculously wasted, not being able to make it into that bunk bed above mine, crashing back down onto the floor and passing out. But it would be aaawesome if you didn’t use my backpack and all my belongings as your pillow, because it really looks like you won’t be able to hold on to that much alcohol for much longer!
Well I had faith in your stomach and it was fine, I’m still surprised how in the world you made it back to the hostel though!
Love, Yannick
Luxury Backpacking
Dear Hostel Drunk Guy,
…you stink and you’re a bad dancer! Now switch off the light and go shower.
Love, Stefan and Sébastien
Nomadic Boys
Dear Hostel Drunk Guy,
Do you remember last night? No? Well that’s to be expected I guess. You puked all over but thankfully it was on the chick that ran out screaming and not on me. By the way, you owe me a round.
Love, Mike
Live, Travel, Teach
Dear Hostel Drunk Guy,
… you don’t need that many zippers on your backpack. Ok, maybe you do, you didn’t design that bag I’ll give you that. However, you don’t have to test every flippin’ zip at 1am in the morning in our shared dorm. They all work, we can testify for that.
Love, Gemma
Two Scots Abroad
Dear Hostel Drunk Guy,
I am not the toilet, it is over the other side of the room. If you can not tell the difference between a sleeping girl and a toilet then perhaps you have drank too much! Thanks.
Love, Kathy
Walkabout Wanderer
Dear Hostel Drunk Guy,
You’re sleeping in the bunk right above mine and arrived at the room at 4AM. If you want to puke just run altogether to the bathroom already like you did in the end. Do not just ask your friend for a bag to puke first, it got me scared I would end up with your vomit on my bed. Also, it would have been nice to puke on a toilet and not on the washbasin, it would have been cool at least to the hostel staff who had to clean that mess, and me who saw it in all its glory.
Love, Cátia
A Pulgarita
Dear Hostel Drunk Guy,
I just want to sleep. Don’t turn on the light. Please.
Love, Karen
Wanderlustingk
Dear Hostel Drunk Guy,
I know that it’s difficult to see when you get back to the room at 3am and everyone is sleeping, but that still doesn’t mean it’s cool to turn on the light. It’s 3am man, have some respect for the 11 roommates you have who were already sleeping. Next time, please bring a torch.
Love, Penelope
The Flyaway Girl
Dear Hostel Drunk Guy,
We didn’t skip your screamo song during karaoke because we hate metal music. We skipped it because you were a terrible human being. Alternately, other Hostel Drunk Guy – you took my leftover dumplings and my heart with you when you left for Hokkaido.
Love, Megan
Give Me Chills
Dear Hostel Drunk Guy,
You haven’t intimidated me or made me feel unsafe. You’ve disrupted my sleep and my life and therefore tomorrow, I will disrupt any chance you have of getting laid by any girl in this hostel by letting them know about this desperate attempt at 5am to crawl into bed with a girl who’s been asleep since midnight.
Love, Kellie
Nomadic Nymph
Dear Hostel Drunk Guy,
No, every girl is not interested in you, but it’s fun to see how you never give up.
Love, Sonal
Drifter Planet
Dear Hostel Drunk Guy,
Please, please stop making that face… and those noises, I beg of you. Seriously! I’ve very nearly wet myself from laughter!
Love, Erin
Erin Reki
And so, Hostel Drunk Guy, I hope you have heard our concerns and are willing to take them to heart. Perhaps tonight, maybe just skip the bar and get some sleep.
P.S. I sincerely hope you made it to Montreal…and that you finally called your mom.
Love, Brianna
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8 Comments
*Checks Airbnb private room rates * Thanks for featuring us. We’ve all been there!
Hahah! Right??
Dear hostel drunk guy,
Your drunk snores are keeping up the whole room, and as your are passed out drunk, no amount of shaking the bunk bed will get you to roll over. Next time book a private room when you want to ride yourself off and snore away the early hours of the morning!
Great post!!
haha, I can really relate to some of them. Not sure of how many times that we have had neighbors at a hotel or hostel that have been visiting the city with the main objective to party and not for sightseeing. You never see them during the day, but you hear them during the night. 😛
I can’t breath I’m laughing so hard. This is hysterical. We always travel with the kids and this summer went to Greece. We decided to try a hostel for the very first time. Things have changed since I first started traveling and now hostels have separate rooms and welcome families. Still…..there was ‘that’ guy at 5 am one morning. Thankfully, we only heard him stumbling around in the hall briefly. LOL.
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It’s awesome your family got a whole room to yourselves! I can imagine your kiddos were probably wondering what was going on when that guy was out there 😛
This cracks me up so much. So glad I’m not the only one with a hostel drunk guy story… stories like this have convinced me to do more backcountry/primitive stuff lately.
Haha! It’s not always terrible! I try to book hostels that don’t have a “party atmosphere”